Jokes  

They say that 'Laughter is the Best Medicine' and Jazzy thinks that they are right....that's why this NEW Jokes page with some funny gems from around the world to tickle your funny bone. Of course, the jokes will be changed and added from time to time so that you can keep on laughing.....so, Read on and Enjoy !!

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CELEBRITY VIRUSES TO WATCH OUT FOR -

Monica Lewinsky virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.

Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities.

Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interregation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.

Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.

Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.

Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it.

Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.

X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting.

Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

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Interesting, Don't Know How True, But, Interesting:

When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop...even your heart!

A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.

People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Only 7% of the population are lefties.

40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

The average housefly lives for one month.

The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.

John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".

The real reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.

Among the music catalogues that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem.

Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.

The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor

In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint & a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh cousins.

If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

I wonder if these things are true - especially the Green Coke!

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Doctor, Doctor Jokes

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Well pull yourself together then.

Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me.
One at a time please.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible.
Who said that?

Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.

Doctor, Doctor I’ve lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there.

Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places.
Well don't go back there again then!

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar.
Don't worry you'll soon change!

Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet.
Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band.
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses.
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one!

Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How do you know? I haven't told you whats wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window!

Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!

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Compiled from various sources - meant to make you laugh :)

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